In the current move towards safe sex, masturbation solo or with a lover offers an alternative to risky forms of sex.
It is interesting that a number of people I have listened to delude themselves into thinking that anyone who is lesbian, gay or bisexual is obsessed with sex. I have only to pick up a piece of phallic symbolism in a film or in an advertisement to be howled at by certain people for what they think is my obsession with sex.
My family ran around naked when it was hot. And Playboy and Cosmopolitan were always lying around. My brother and I weren't made to feel bad about our bodies. My parents were never very physical together but my mom was really cuddly.
My mom went without sex for ten years. But she was fairly permissive. She got me the pill. She used to say how lucky we are now, when we're not expected to be a virgin. 'Sex is important,' she said, 'and you should know whether you get on sexually with someone, before you get married or anything like that. It should be like fireworks!' I think she saw too many 40s movies.
I have a fear of telling my lesbian lovers I enjoy penetration – then when they say they like it, I kick myself.
I am definitely a polymorphous pervert (someone who can get erotic, sensual, erogenous stimulation from almost anything – food, cloth, etc. – or at least see the potentialities of it. It was coined by Freud in talking about babies) and I love every minute of it! I DON'T look for different things sexually from men and women and I feel very positive about not having penetration in having sex with men. I am into overturning the sexual/sensual dichotomy (the unclear area where sensuality stops and sexuality begins).
Sex may well be the most variable of experiences – it's lovely to think about and a monster when it goes wrong. I could go on about it forever.
Look, we need to enjoy safe sex, eroticise it. 'Safe' sounds sterile but it needn't be.
Maybe we need to question why we're having sex at all, to get in touch with our real feelings for each other. Love. Enjoy.