BEING BISEXUAL – TOWARDS A DEFINITION
A Bisexual Liberation Caucus
In May 1986 eight people from the London Bisexual Group met to bring together their feelings and thoughts about being bisexual, the forms of oppression experienced, and the means of liberation. The purpose was to produce a collective statement, a process which could be repeated by other bisexual groups. This statement would focus what to communicate to non-bisexuals so that bisexuals become more visible and liberation is progressively achieved.
1. What we like about being bisexual
Many responses centred on freedom. We enjoy the freedom to be ourselves and to be attracted without qualms to both women and men; that is people for themselves, regardless of their sex.
We enjoy the freedom to cross gender boundaries, to get closer to any person and explore the possibilities of relationships.
We enjoy the freedom to get to know other bisexuals after years of being outsiders, to meet people who 'speak the same language' and to break out of isolation, to lose our sexual hang-ups and to challenge society's restrictions.
2. How bisexual oppression works
Bisexuals are often stereotyped as irresponsible, selfish, promiscuous, over-sexed, and so on. Often we are seen by lesbians and gays as 'copping out' and by heterosexuals as 'really homosexual'. Some people deny the validity of bisexuality and even its existence. No doubt, bisexuality does seem threatening.
We bisexuals have tended to adapt our lifestyles to others' norms and this has made it more difficult for many people with heterosexual, lesbian or gay self-identity to be open to bisexuality in others and possibly themselves. Taboos exist that discourage some people from getting close, exploring and understanding themselves and each other. This is especially true of young people when first exploring their sexualities. You particularly experience oppression if you have an open bisexual lifestyle, as do open lesbians and gay men.
3. History of bisexual oppression
Our history is of something continually denied and made marginal or almost invisible. This happens simultaneously with the direct oppression of homosexual behavior. However, increasingly, studies spanning human history acknowledge active bisexuality and the Kinsey Report of 1948, amongst others, shows over one in three people in the US having bisexual experiences and/or strong attractions, while only one in twenty-five were exclusively lesbian or gay.
On the other hand it seems that in the past women were allowed 'passionate friendships' with other women so long as these did not threaten their relationships with men. In her book Surpassing the love of men Lilian Faderman writes of (Western) women celebrating as lesbians who nevertheless still had contact with men. There were similar patterns for men, for example in ancient Greece. However, while bisexuality has recently become more visible, we are at a point where the range of options open to bisexuals is again becoming more limited. This is part of the oppression of the gay community, intensified by some of the media's depiction of the AIDS scare, especially of bisexual men passing the virus to women, who may pass it to straight men and thus to a wider population.
4. Individual experiences of bisexual oppression
Often straight friends say 'You're really straight, deep down', whilst gay friends say 'You're really gay, deep down'. Both sides are selectively listening to what they want to hear. Sometimes straight friends take a perverse interest in 'how the others live.'
I was 'out' as a bisexual for a year before I began working in a lesbian and gay centre. I was not accepted by them as I was living with a man. (I lived at a level of strong sexual and emotional suppression.)
Coming out to my parents was especially difficult. My mother's statement was 'the less you tell me, the less I shall know'.
My woman lover said 'I am a lesbian, I can't help it. You're a bisexual, you can choose.'
5. Images of bisexuality
There are several main forms this takes in the straight and gay press and organisations, the media and education. Bisexuality tends to be given images of either being indeterminate and bogus, or sensationalised as a fashionable life style or seen as extra perverse and sick.
The tendency to deny the integrity of bisexuality is reinforced by the limited amount of information and writing by and about bisexuals. We tend to live unidentifiably in the heterosexual or gay or lesbian worlds with no distinct bisexual community or venues. We are often dismissed by even responsible social organisations as people with a transitory or uncommitted way of life. Many lesbians and gay men feel that those now living as bisexuals are copping out of the struggle for gay rights. Gay-identified bisexuals have to cope with 'coming out' on two fronts, to both the heterosexual AND lesbian and gay communities – 'double trouble' as the Guardian's article of February 1986 called it. But the real personal experiences of bisexuals are generally kept from public view with no mention of most bisexuals' lifestyles including long-term relationships or chosen celibacy.
Elsewhere, bisexuality may be depicted as an intriguing aspect of the fun lives of fashionable media personalities. Alternatively it has been seen as somehow very perverted and even linked to a 'criminal' state or commonly used as a target for abuse by those who are repressed and unable to cope with aspects of their own sexuality. A central issue here, as for all gay people, is the possibility of harassment or arrest.
6. Is bisexual liberation progressing?
There are changes in bisexual identity, both in self-identities and in some media images. There are the first open bisexual groups in Britain, Europe and the US. Here in the UK there are also the BiMonthly magazine, some counselling available and meetings and conferences where people can meet to share more fully. There is the value of bisexuals' 'coming out' within organisations to individual people they know.
More is now written about bisexuals. For example the historical biographies which identify ever more people who were bisexual, from Alexander the Great to Virginia Woolf. There are the few television programmes and newspaper articles, notably in the Guardian, seeking to inform about bisexual experience. There are the wellknown personalities who identify as bisexual and become public examples of bisexuality as a positive option. These all act on people's good sense and show that we are not here to fill others' expectations.
7. Furthering bisexual liberation
We can aim to be a positive presence in lesbian and gay centres and groups, being bisexual workers and counsellors with the goal of having bisexual seats on committees etc. Within the Women's Movement we can contribute, perhaps especially in healing the split between women of different sexualities – as well as aiming for bisexual liberation. We can work similarly in the other organisations and networks of which we are members.
Within local boroughs, colleges, universities, even youth clubs and schools, we can work to have bisexuals included in gay policies, so that attitudes to bisexuality improve and people can come to their own informed choice.
At a national level the need is for real understanding and positive images of bisexuality to be presented in the media by mean of representation by active bisexuals.
And, of course, bisexual people can set up more of their own counselling services, local centres and conferences.
8. The oppression which we have internalised
In the London Bisexual Group we have all experienced the support we can give each other in releasing received negative images – we need never again be victims or collude with any oppressive messages We must learn to really listen to each other's experiences so that the layers can peel off and the wounds helped to heal by support groups, therapy techniques, games, co-counselling, massage, dance, drama etc.
We should always avoid any images of a 'right on' bisexual because this is limiting and makes new oppressions. We should remember it's OK to be as gay or straight as we each wish, not ashamed to enjoy all and any aspects of ourselves, delighting in being a responsive partner to anyone we choose. Let us be relaxed, light hearted and proud in being bisexual.
A Bisexual Manifesto
Since 1984, successive bisexual conferences and meetings have made a recurrent commitment to produce a manifesto about ourselves and our aims as bisexuals.
The following two manifestos were produced by different groups at the Bisexual Conference in London in December 1984. The aims in education expressed in them have now received a major setback with the government circular on sex education of September 1987 (see Introduction).
BISEXUAL MANIFESTO
Bisexuals are people who experience the desire for emotional, sensual and/or sexual relationships with people of both sexes, though not necessarily to an equal extent or at the same time.
We believe in sexual and emotional liberation for all individuals irrespective of race, sex, class, age and disability, particularly from the predominant categorisations of heterosexual or homosexual, on the understanding that this liberation does not cause emotional or physical damage to others.
Because we believe the struggle is, above all, for liberation of homo-erotic love it is important for bisexuals to be politically active within the Gay Movement, working towards the reconstruction of sexuality without repression.
Our aims are:
- To enable bisexuals to achieve a positive identity.
- To work to replace society's prejudices against bisexuality with an understanding and acceptance of it.
- To work for an education in all schools which properly presents the range of sexual orientations.
- To challenge in the media negative representations of different sexualities.
- To support the elimination of sexism in all its forms.
- To support other sexual liberation movements whose aims are consistent with our own.
- To foster links between bisexual individuals and groups, nationally and internationally, to encourage the formation of further groups and to support the publication and broadcasting of material which contributes towards these aims.
THE MANIFESTO OF THE RADICAL LESBIAN AND GAY IDENTIFIED BISEXUAL NETWORK
Bisexuals are people who are oriented towards emotional and sexual relationships with people of both sexes.
We strongly support sexual freedom: the freedom of all people, regardless of age, sex or disability, to explore and define openly their own sexual styles, homosexual, bisexual, celibate, heterosexual, monogamous, promiscuous, and non-monogamous, with others who share the same freedom and consent. This includes the right to refuse sexual contact with anyone for any reason, and the rights of women and men to control their own fertility.
We believe that the prevailing heterosexist ideas about sexuality have created restrictive and damaging categories into which the diversity of human sexuality does not fit. We believe that bisexuality challenges the order and origins of these categories. However whilst this sexual oppression exists, it is vital for bisexuals, lesbians and gay men to organise politically around their self-defined sexual identities. So it is important for bisexuals to be politically active within the lesbian and gay movement, working towards the reconstruction of sexuality without oppression.
We believe that sexual oppression is both a result of and an integral part of our patriarchal and capitalist society. Therefore we recognise the links between the oppression of people because of their sex, sexuality, gender identity, disability, race, age, class, nationality or religion, and their oppression linked with class and economic status.
Our aims are:
- To give bisexuals a strong, valid identity within the Lesbian and Gay Liberation Movement in particular, and society in general. In order to achieve this we must work as bisexuals within the Movement both autonomously and collectively.
- The elimination of sexism, heterosexism and male-defined sexuality and all other forms of oppression.
- To remove the power which adults have over children and young people, so that children and young people have the right to define their own lives and sexuality. Included in this is the provision of an education which adequately reflects the diversity of human sexuality.
- To create a positive image of differing sexualities and sexual attitudes within the media. This necessitates representative and participatory community control of the media. Also to create a media and a culture of our own.
- To actively work for the self-organisation of bisexual people and the co-ordination of existing bisexual groups, and to form alliances with other progressive forces, nationally and internationally.
Other Contributions
(mainly taken from Bi-Monthly Magazine)BREAKING THE MOULD
by David Smith
reprinted from Bi-Monthly October/November 1985
The study of bisexuality is at the spearhead of a movement to break the mould forced onto sexuality by scientists and social commentators. This is the view of Philip Blumstein and Pepper Schwartz of the Department of Sociology at the University of Washington, USA. They feel that the way scientists and the population view sexuality can be transformed by the proper consideration of bisexuality.
Even a cursory study of bisexuality throws serious doubt on traditional notions that sexual orientation and sexual identity are unchanging and unchangeable. Blumstein and Schwartz found that people could change these without even being aware that it was possible. Childhood and adolescent experiences were by no means the final determining factors. These findings have enormous implications for an argument which has been raging in the world of psychology and sociology for over a century.
Freud first came up with the idea of bisexuality as a natural state, but there has always been disagreement about whether homosexuality is biological or at least determined in childhood or whether it can be 'acquired' at any time in the course of one's life. Law-reformers, quoting psychologists, most often stressed the notion that homosexuals were 'born like that' and 'couldn't help it' and thus it was inhuman to persecute them. To admit that sexual orientation is not fixed, invites the demand that it should be made as difficult as possible for people to 'become homosexual'.
Consequently the concept of bisexuality was often deliberately ignored.
In their study of 156 bisexual women and men, Blumstein and Schwartz were interested in four major questions. First, is bisexuality a continuous, preordained theme throughout a person's life, or does it emerge and change with circumstances? Second, what are the complex factors which lead to a person's self-definition? Third, which circumstances are most conducive to bisexuality? Fourth, do women and men differ with regard to the first three questions?
In investigating the complexities of choosing a label to describe one's sexuality, it was found that actual sexual activity doesn't necessarily bear any relation to the labels chosen. These seem to be randomly rejected, accepted or imposed for a wide variety of different reasons. And the relative importance of sexual attraction, sexual experiences, love and affection differed enormously from person to person.
Among the circumstances conducive to bisexuality, the study highlighted threesomes; ideological positions for example humanism, libertarianism and feminism; and sex with close friends. The latter seemed to be the most appropriate for women.
Two major differences between women's and men's reactions to bisexuality are highlighted. Women appear to be less likely than men to adopt a gay identity as a result of just a few homosexual experiences. But their first lesbian sexual experiences tended to be much less traumatic than first gay experiences for men, who were often concerned about the implications for their masculinity.
Those who took part in the study were students at the university and friends of friends among members of local bisexual groups. As an aside, Blumstein and Schwartz predicted a great increase in the size of the visible bisexual community. But this research is already a few years old and who knows when the suggestion for further work will be taken up.
LET'S ABOLISH THESE CATEGORIZING TERMS
by John Edmunds
reprinted from Bi-Monthly February/March 1986
I don't often go to parties. I don't like having to give just a little of myself to a lot of people; the inevitable superficiality; the noise, bustle, heat and loud music. Wow! I once went 12 years without suffering these aspects of parties. But here I was at a farewell shindig for a couple of friends about to go roughing it for two or three weeks in Africa, and I'd succumbed – felt duty-bound.
Neil drifted over, as I'd hoped (and secretly known) he would. A little earlier we'd exchanged 4-yard-apart hellos and waves; now we were just easing our way into a chat when suddenly he hit me amiably with, 'So what are you, John – gay or bisexual? I mean, you don't mind me asking do you? Say if you do?'
It was good that he felt he could ask me a straight (sorry for the pun) question like this. We'd been talking about orientation with a woman feminist friend a few days before, and he'd obviously been thinking things over. This was a mixed party, by the way, both in terms of gender and orientation. (Well, aren't they all?)
In answer to Neil's question, what am I? – homosexual, bisexual, or heterosexual (or non-sexual?) let's take the sliding scale. In these terms I'd be graded 8 or 9 right now – i.e., attracted mainly to men (my own sex), but with always the vague possibility of taking off with a woman. And tomorrow – who knows where I'd be graded then?
How about the terms – heterosexual, bisexual, homosexual? I don't like them because:
a) they sound medical
b) they suggest lust, sexual activity, with a lack of emotional involvement.
'OK,' you say, 'how about "gay"?' Ridiculous! For a start I love the word 'gay' in its correct usage – I imagine flowers, sunshine, laughter, happiness, fun, young children carefree in the countryside, celebration of life. So sometimes homosexuals DO have times like that (so does everyone else lucky enough), but are we capable ONLY of frivolity? I hope not, although the Gay Scene certainly promotes this image to society in general, more's the pity. Perhaps this word 'gay' is one small reason society doesn't take us seriously, even in certain 'liberal' cliques.
Maybe just around the corner is a Parliamentary bill outlawing discrimination on the grounds of sexual orientation. The chance for everyone to be openly somewhere on the sliding scale 1-10 (and
sexual or non-sexual) could be closer than we dream of. If it does happen, let's abolish all these categorizing terms and not make assumptions about ourselves or others.
I'm happy to wait until I meet someone, woman or man, and see how I feel about them as an individual. Such a variety is available within a relationship that we shouldn't go into one with expectations, but keep an open mind and let things happen.
HEY, SISTERS! WHAT ABOUT US?
by Jackie Roberts
reprinted from Bi-Monthly April/May 1985
I've just finished reading Bi-Monthly. It's the first I ever really realised you were out there! I'm feeling strengthened, so able to put pen to paper. I have identified as bisexual for at least six years to myself and for the last year to close friends – although I must confess to have played around with 'ambiguity' for quite a while before that. I often feel the inadequacies and dislike the label as it has been so misunderstood and seems inexpressive of my own personal politics. I am in my early twenties, a white feminist working in academic research on media analysis. As someone who is usually very sociable with loving friends near at hand I find myself for the first time in years almost alone in a strange city, in a new job and with a growing lack of confidence as far as meeting people goes.
I can remember having fantasies about women – usually witches and fairies!! – at an early age, which looking back were definitely sexual and also having particularly inept sexual encounters with school-girl friends, which were heavily heterosexually oriented – male-female role-play. Although I always ended up playing the boy and at the same time knew I was really playing the girl too! I always felt physically and mentally attracted to women and went through emotional hell in my late teens because I couldn't talk about it to anyone and lived in daily fear of someone being able to read my thoughts. I also became fairly promiscuous, getting used by a lot of men, usually with painful consequences – many of which did not surface until I became very depressed in my first year at college.
I have never really 'given up' on my sexuality; I knew it was there and never really denied it to myself, even though it may have sometimes got buried underneath the apparent heterosexuality and fear of rejection, especially from women friends, until a while ago. I now see my sexual identity as a powerful and political statement – a refusal to be bound by society's expectations and norms; a state of emotional and sexual freedom, not rigidly defined; not promiscuity, just openness. I see it for me as a state where sex isn't seen as the ultimate goal and where touching doesn't always stop at a friendly hug for fear of misinterpretation; where passionate friendships with both sexes are seen as 'normal'. I am proud of who I am.
It annoys me so much when we are put down or ridiculed, made to feel 'incomplete' because we are neither at one extreme nor the other. It especially saddens me when lesbian women put down bisexual women. I support separatism and women-only spaces and I can understand hatred and distrust of men (gay and straight) — I've felt it so much myself – but I hate it when one group of women alienates other women when they need support so badly and not rejection. The Women's Movement must fight against ageism, classism, racism and unfair discrimination against sisters with disabilities and lesbians; so why are bisexual women ignored so often and made to feel rejected?
Feminists become full of guilt when their prejudices are pointed out to them, but why is it that the refusal of the Women's Movement to actively discuss bisexuality – to any positive degree anyway – does not make feminists feel they are hurting a lot of their sisters? I hate the feeling of knowing I have to justify my sexuality, of feeling guilty because I'm not easily defined and can't easily be explained. I'm not a mystery to myself; only to other people.
I have never really had close contact with men and women who are actively bisexual, not so I could talk openly to them, and I feel I have come to the point where I need this so badly. I feel frustrated that I've never really been able to speak to someone who completely understands how I feel. I want to share ideas, frustrations, strength, warmth, feel fully accepted as a whole being where my sexual orientations aren't hidden. I want to be involved with developing a sexual politics with others who have been through some of the same things – especially other young men and women.
I'm sick of people getting away with the idea that only pop stars are bisexual and that that's OK – usually when it's male stars though! However when it comes to us 'ordinary' folk, we're seen as perverts. Well, I'M not a pervert – I have to come into contact with perverts most days of my life, so I can recognise one when I see one!
I refuse to be ridiculed, silenced, patronised, misunderstood or put down any more. I have fought for years as a feminist to reject these oppressive devices and now I've got to stand up as a 'whole' person to fight for the right to be openly bisexual in the gay and lesbian world, in the feminist world, in the straight world – wherever – in the whole world.
COMING OUT
reprinted from Bi-Monthly December 1985/January 1986
I am a twenty-two year old bisexual woman with two young children. If I tell my story maybe one of your readers could give me some advice, for I know there must be more people like me.
At the age of 11 or 12 I was seen kissing a 14 year old school friend. After that I was always picked on for being gay. After I started dating boys at 16, some of the name-calling stopped.
At 17 I started going out with the leader of the local motorbike gang of which I was a part – along with a young woman for whom I had very strong feelings.
I soon fell for my first child and married. Sixteen months later, expecting my second, we split up and divorced. Only later I found out that the young woman was gay and that was when I could no longer contact her. I knew by then that I couldn't go on pretending much longer.
A year or so later I found a small ad in the local paper giving a number to ring, if you needed to talk to someone about being gay. After two weeks when I had the nerve I rang up.
I had a relationship with a young woman, but she thought that you had to be gay or straight but couldn't be bi.
Since then I have had a relationship with a bisexual woman but I still feel I can not tell everyone about myself. I met a young woman the other week in hospital. She was a patient (like me) but also a nurse. I had plenty of time to get to know her and she is totally against gays. I found her very attractive but how can I tell her? How do I not tell her? I find a lot of times I meet people I just can't tell and it makes me confused.
I may not have told this very well but I'm sure there are lots of people nodding their heads and saying, Yes I know how you feel.
HETEROSEXUAL PRIVILEGE
reprinted from Bi-Monthly June/July 1985
Picture the scene – a spring day in Hull, warm sunshine (well, fairly warm!), sunlight on the grass of Queen's Gardens, the park in the centre of the city. On Tuesday lunchtime I meet my male lover in his lunch-hour and we sit on the grass, hold hands, hug, kiss, talk. No-one takes a blind bit of notice.
Later I return to the same spot with a female lover. We lie down quietly and chat.
My lover Look at those guys staring.
(I refuse to look.)
Woman (about our age – early twenties) Fucking lemons! ('lemon' is a Hull derogatory colloquial term for lesbian.)
My lover She's gone to that policeman.
(I don't believe it.)
Policeman (coming over, very macho, blocking out the sunlight.) I've had a complaint about you.
Me We're not doing anything.
(I refuse to get up off my back which makes me feel at i disadvantage, hence the defensive answer. So it goes on. What it boils down to is that if he gets another complaint, he'll move us on.)
Me But what if we still haven't done anything?
(It seems that doesn't matter. A complaint's a complaint.)
Who said lesbianism wasn't illegal? And who was it who wasn't sure about heterosexual privilege? (Could it have been me?)
200 DISCUSS BISEXUALITY AT UNIVERSITY
by Sally Knocker
reprinted from Bi-Monthly December 1985/January 1986
Inspired by my first visit to the London Bisexual Group this summer, I went back to University determined to break the 'Bi Taboo'. I received mildly surprised encouragement and tentative interest from Gay Soc who gave a position to Bi-Monthly on their stall and organised an open meeting.
Two hundred students attended to hear four gay people express both the positives and negatives of coming out and staying out.
This was an opportunity to open up discussion on bisexuality during question time. I confess it would not have been so easy to stand up and speak had it not been clear that the general atmosphere was largely sympathetic. I also noted that probably every person at the meeting had a different position on the broad spectrum of sexuality.
I took a deep breath and approached the microphone. I hope I adequately voiced the neglect of the bisexual phenomenon and rejected the polarised labels which my gay friends implied when talking about homophobia.
I stressed my strong empathy for gay people and admitted with regret that it had been easier in the past to enjoy heterosexual privilege. I hoped that by openly declaring my bisexuality I would be exposing myself to all that gay students face on campus.
After my speech the Women's Officer stood up and echoed my feelings in a very moving and personal way. She hoped to form a discussion group.
I have to say it was probably the most frightening thing I have ever done. I suffered from paranoid delusions afterwards, that I was being stared at with everything from disgust to incredulity.
A special bisexuality evening followed attended by fifty women and men. We covered an enormous range of topics with emotional fervour. However my impression was that very few were prepared to openly identify as bisexual. Two professed straight men referred to homosexual experiences as only part of their adolescence. Several women and men implied that they were not shutting off the possibility of same sex relationships, even if they were not actively pursuing them.
A number of my gay friends who attended, admitted occasional attraction to the opposite sex. This appeared to worry them. They emphasised that a more clear cut position gave them a position 'from which to fight', and that they couldn't handle the confusion of bisexuality. Bisexuals amongst us tried to argue that you don't necessarily need a specific label to be strong. I couldn't help feeling that in categorising ourselves and having such groups we were admitting our own underlying fallibility, the need to belong and be accepted.
A week later a S/HE meeting (The University's Antisexist Society) had a general discussion on 'attitudes to sexuality', but far fewer people attended; and only four men. I began to get worried that we could 'overdo' the sexuality debate and, that possibly meetings should be more spread out.
Having made an issue of my own sexuality in public I confess I was also afraid of it taking over, since my commitment to my degree and involvement in the Peace Movement and local voluntary work were equally strong important parts of me.
I was pleased however that at last I was hearing the word bisexual in everyday conversation. I was not sure though whether to be happy when a bloke came up to me on campus and told me that he had been to a party the evening of the Gay Soc meeting and ALL the men were coming out as bi. I felt as if I'd started some trendy epidemic, rather than anything permanent and meaningful – a tendency amongst young people I feel.
From a selfish point of view I gained a lot from hearing women and men echo the feelings I had suppressed for a long time. I felt great pride and relief that declaring my sexuality had made no difference in my relationships with friends. They have stood by me unquestioningly.
The women I live with have coped well with homophobic suggestions that they should 'lock their doors at night'. Such jokes stab hard but at least I began to, more than intellectually, understand the biting prejudices that gay people have to put up with daily.
Bisexual students are now at last creeping out of their heterosexual hideaways, but it does take time. Presently we are not actually going to start a specific Bi Soc, believing that meetings with Gay Soc and S/HE are providing adequate forum for discussion.
IMPRESSION OF THE SECOND NATIONAL CONFERENCE ON BISEXUALITY
reprinted from Bi-Monthly June/July 1985
I've decided to write a 'personal' response because I find I can't separate my personal feelings about the weekend from a 'critical' view of the conference as a whole. For me, living in Hull and having felt very isolated, the most important thing, and the one that kept me high through most of the weekend, was the chance to talk with, to share with other bisexuals, to know I am not alone!
It was really important too to hear for the first time the terms 'lesbian and gay-identified bisexuals' and to know that my own instinct to 'identify' as lesbian, while wanting to be accepted and acknowledged as bisexual, had a political validity and context which others were long aware of.
The issues I addressed over the weekend, in workshops and in conversation, were mostly ones I had already touched on in my own thoughts but, on my own, not got very far with. Working on them with other bisexuals, both with similar and different perspectives to myself, meant I could go further, feel stronger and more able to take leaps, to accept myself and to begin to understand others in a new way.
We didn't find any 'answers', no conference 'line' was reached (we were too divergent and, dare I say, too honest for that) but, for me at least, there was an increased clarity, an increased positiveness about my sexuality and about myself as a WHOLE person. And the openness and trust I felt at times during the conference was something rare and incredibly special.
A TRANSSEXUAL VIEW by Vee van Dam
I am interested in bisexuality, not so much because I'm a 'practising' bisexual but because I'm interested in male-female issues, including transsexuality, as they arise for different people – biologically, emotionally, mentally and otherwise.
I remember a recurrent fantasy I used to have when I was a kid in which I thought of myself as a boy during daylight and a girl by night. Later (when I was about 23) this surfaced again as a desire to be female, and this led me into considering all sorts of things which I had not previously explored. Somehow I did not feel 'right' as a male, or at least I felt more in affinity with the idea of being a woman, or alternatively androgynous. The problem with androgyny is that there was, and for that matter still is, no place for it in society, and physically (outside of various types of cases of hermaphroditism) it doesn't truly exist as an identifiable physical and biological reality.
I subsequently spent much time in meditation looking into the female side of myself, and in fact learned a lot. I also found it confusing and disorienting at an emotional level because I could not be female at a physical level, at least short of going through a sex change operation. I finally reached a crescendo at which point I found within myself the strength to consider the reality of a sex change; then I read up on it, and began to appreciate the difficulties involved – interfacing with psychiatrists and counsellors, and hormone therapy for five years or so, plus the problems inherent to surgical manipulation of that kind. That didn't appeal to me, at least not in view of the present situation and clinical methods used.
Therefore I started to look at other ways of achieving approximately similar ends, and delved into ancient records with regard to transmutation – a stage of unfoldment where one effectively learns and then masters the dematerialisation of the physical body and then rematerialisation of the etheric blue-print of that body, or of the astral body 'made dense' – dense enough at any rate to become tangible at a physical level. Once one begins to look for this type of data it is surprising how much does exist, even in print. The next trick then becomes a matter of learning to shape the astral body to one's specifications prior to initiating transmutation and the materialisation of that astral body. In this I had a head start since I have been projecting out of the body for over twenty years, at first without any conscious control over these events, then I learnt how to project more or less at will.
In 1974 for the first time I quite spontaneously changed from male to female shape/body while in astral 'flight' – I just thought of it and it happened; no real effort was involved. From then onwards I experimented with this quite liberally, and had at least the satisfaction of roaming about the astral plane in a female body and therefore was able to experience my femaleness in relatively objective terms – for short durations at least.
What particularly struck me about these experiences is, (1) I always resumed the same female body shape and temperament as if it was second nature and a very real part of me at that level; (2) the experience of being female put me more or less directly in touch with devic perspectives of reality (The devic world is that of the spirits which manifest and dwell in all aspects of the nature world – plants etc. This world is only accessible through our intuitive (female) aspect.) This then led me into exploring what devas are, particularly in relationship to us as human beings; (3) I started to remember segments of past lives when I had been female and which lives had been strong and interesting. This helped me to understand more about why I felt so female-oriented, especially at an emotional and sexual level. I also looked into the androgynous side of things and found some equally interesting perspectives on that, although none of them had anything to do with physical incarnation on this planet.
While this might not fit too much with what passes as bisexuality, I feel there are some indications here as to why people can feel both or alternatively male and female and experiment with bisexuality. I think it would be fair to say that bisexuals vary in their reasons for or attraction towards bisexuality, and that a sizeable proportion feel somewhat put out by being apparently confined to one sexual identity without the opportunity to experience both ends of the spectrum – as males and as females – at which point bisexuality dovetails near enough into transsexuality.
POEM: UNLABELLED by Cora Greenhill
'The problem is ….' has no isness
isn't there like the cat on the wall suddenly, from nowhere – is more like the wall blocking off
what it has no business to block off – other gardens, other ways of life.
(Your problem is, you're greedy)
Your problem is ….
and I feel myself distorted needs defined by other damaged minds.
(You have to choose,
you can't have your cake and eat it)
If the problem has an answer
the answer is defined by the problem. Join the dots and find the picture.
(You can't align yourself with men AND women. We must know where your commitment lies)
He is
himself
broad as a beach for me a place to rest on stretch in
spoilt for space
in all that warmth.
(He's the answer to your problem he's the answer to your prayer you want him with you always you're alone when he's not there)
She is
herself vivid as cat
arrived in the kitchen assuming milk and affection bringing catness owing nothing on leaving.
(The problem is
where did she come from? which door did I leave open? which wall did she scale? who's is she?
is she healthy?
what will we do with her? where will she sleep?)
She is
here now
inescapable as hawthorn flowers filling the lanes
swelling my veins heart head and loins.
(The problem is
why wasn't she there before?
how can we let her in now, when the house is full? If she's the answer, she should have come when you had the problem
when doors banging in the night were taunting terrors undermining loneliness.
Where was this sisterlove then?)
I am, she says,
here now, when the bowl is full.
Look how fat and sleek you are! You feed me from your fullness.
Why should I come when you'd have grabbed any scrawny cat
to your famished breast?
He is
not, it seems, the usual lover
who offers the sham abundance
of those grandparents' tea tables, where you take the nearest cake
don't reach over
and the wrapped chocolate biscuits are kept for later (or probably somebody else)
You're a lucky girl, aren't you?
Are you good?
Joyless we suck our fingers
feeling like caught thieves
hiding our greedy needs.
He is
a neighbour to my heart easing through labour
the passage of our growing tender -ly touching the turning tendrils of sweetpeas to supports strengthening the stems of my trust
softening and sweetening my soil.
He roots for me.
(The problem is he's a man)
The problem is
reflects the world's distress the mouth dry with fear
the pre-packed wrong notes replace the song fresh from the oven.
Real choices are
when alternatives are clear as cakes and it's OK to want both.
We are
the mothercats
feeding all the generations wanting feeding ourselves we feed ourselves, each other we are learning
and sometimes we need to steal for ourselves
and sometimes we are given.